I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
