The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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