When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
