did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
