there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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