genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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