My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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