Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
