Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
