Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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