why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
