Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
