I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
