Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
