The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
