dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
