Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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