Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
accomplished twins. life is a go
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
