God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My vagina is officially offended.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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