Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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