Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
