He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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