I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
