O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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