Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize