The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
