I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
