No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
