somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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