hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
