No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
