Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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