For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
