Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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