I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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