remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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