I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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