i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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