I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
