just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
