he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
