im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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