its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
