dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
