just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
