When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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