fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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