why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
