did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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