Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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