I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
