What did we do last night that was yellow?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
