addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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