I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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