Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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