My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
