did you get engaged???
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
