:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
