Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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