just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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