I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
