Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think my fart just growled at me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
