Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
