just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
