Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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