One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize