You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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