I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
