college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
