Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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