would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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