he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
