your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
BRING THE BAGELS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
