dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
