party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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