i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
