I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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