Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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