I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
