bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize