Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
