i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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