I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
