So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
