Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
