im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
