Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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