We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
