Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
