I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
