I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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