Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
