Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize