dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
