we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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