so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
