at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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