Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
