drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize