By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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