Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
