quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
