Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
